“Everything you touch falls apart.”
Full confession? I didn’t like this episode much at first. Vampire Diaries has never given us much time to get our bearings, but after a season of twists and turns abruptly bisected by a six-week hiatus, I needed a bearing. Or at least a little bear cub to explain via interpretive dance and diagrams exactly who knew what, who was planning what, and what the stakes were. Because somewhere in the middle of my 42-day crave-a-thon, I’d lost the thread of excitement that keeps me tied to this show.
I got it back on re-watch, although of course it wasn’t quite the same. Alaric punching Sark was great. Damon’s constant use of the first-person plural was interesting, given his current off-screen sideline in hot news anchors. Even Bonnie was rather interesting—she’s like that superheroine in X-Men who can make storms. Storm, is it?
What really matters, though, are the tricks and the trades of any good spy drama: McGuffins and knowledge. Only one of our three McGuffins (the moonstone, the dagger, the doppelganger) was in play this week. (I thought hiding the moonstone in the soap dish was funny. After all, how often do vampires wash their hands?) Now Katrina has the moonstone, and the dagger is useless until they figure out what to do with Elijah. That leaves Elena, who is now protected by ownership of the Salvatore house.
Knowledge is practically a McGuffin of its own on this show, passed back and forth like Poe’s purloined letter. Bonnie’s new powers are more than just exciting new powers: they are also knowledge that gives our heroes the advantage they need so badly. Damon’s right. She’s a secret weapon, although she is set to self-destruct.
The real stand-out of the episode was Isobel, though. I’ve always reacted strongly to Mia Kirshner’s character on The L Word, because that sort of passive-aggressive disingenuousness make me see red. The VD writers have perfectly tapped that same saccharine falsity in writing Isobel. She played with Alaric, telling him he only stopped loving her because she compelled him to do so. She played with Elena, blaming her vampire-side for her lack of love for her daughter, even though most other vampires seem to have no problem loving their beloveds. I think Isobel might have enjoyed being under Klaus’s compulsion, as it gave her an excuse—I had to do it!—for devious machinations. I’m not sure I’ll miss her, although it does take one wild card out of the deck.
Klaus, though. Huh. So Alaric has been Klaused? The preview gave away a pretty big clue as to what happened at the end of this episode, but for now let’s just say that some sort of wacky blood rite has led to Mr. Fabulous turning into creepy Euro-trash.
And Matt and Sheriff Forbes. Double huh. The sheriff has had a change of heart: earlier this season, she wanted to forget. But as she’s starting to realize how many hi-jinks the vampires might be up to, she has started to investigate. With Matt undercover.
Bites:
• Stefan: “Why don’t you call Alaric and let him know that his wife just showed up on his girlfriend’s doorstep.”
• Damon: “Put that on our list of things to do today: harness dead witches’ power.”
• Damon: “Don’t mistake the fact that we haven’t set you on fire in your sleep for trust.”
• Mrs. Lockwood: “Do you think vampires are involved?
Sheriff Forbes: “I’m starting to assume the answer to that is always yes.”
• Alaric: “Whatever jacked-up vampire amends you’re trying to make to me…”
• Damon: “We’re gonna need a cover story. Epileptic fit, alcoholic binge, banana peel, whatever works.”
And Pieces:
• Was that the old Salvatore mansion?
• Damon almost catching on fire...funny, yes?
• Why did Damon take his shirt off after washing his hands? I’m not complaining, but that’s not how most people wash their hands, right? (Am I doing it wrong?)
• Jenna’s gone and Elena’s staying with Stefan and Damon. Hot Pockets and Donkey Kong for Jeremy.
• “The nicest foreclosure in town” reminded me of Darla’s desire for a room with a view.
• I think John Gilbert might have been for real this week. But that’s how Sark tricks us, right?
How many of the banana peels out of four?
Josie Kafka is a full-time cat servant and part-time rogue demon hunter. (What's a rogue demon?)
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